Thank you for stopping by and reading. I am not an experience blogger but I had so much bottled up that I wanted to let it out. I was forced to resign from my job a few months ago and I feel like I am at the bottom of a pit. I'll save that story for another post. But because I have so much free time on my hands, I have been thinking about a lot about my past.
From 2003 to 2009, I was in an abusive relationship. I just graduated high school when all this started. It started out like a fairy tale. It was the first guy that I had a crush on in high school. I was about to leave for college then to another state, but he asked me to hang out with him. I thought, okay... why not? At least maybe I will have a fun summer with a popular kid who seems to have liked me for a while. After all, he was quite cute.
We watched movies, went to parks, and he invited me to his brother's wedding all within the summer. The night before I left for college, we were watching a rented movie in his room in the dark. He looked me in the eye, and his beautiful eyes twinkled in the dark and had such a warm smile on his face that pulled my soul in. He said, "I think I love you. Would you go out with me?" My heart skipped a beat and I said, "You know I am leaving tomorrow." He promised that he will visit me within a few months and off to college I went.
He came to visit me every year when I was in college and we always hung out whenever I went home for the holidays. If my financial situation didn't allow me to go home to spend Thanksgiving with my parents, he would fly and visit me. But I noticed that his complexion started to erode. He looked older and became moody. Sometimes during his visits, he would throw a tantrum. Once he hit me in the head with my hair brush and ripped the posters off my wall for no reason. When he wasn't visiting, he would call me and lash out on the phone and called me a cheater out of the blue and say everything is my fault. As time went on, he became more and more ill-tempered.
I thought to myself... it must be the long distance relationship that damaged the trust. I thought that everything will be okay once I returned home for good after I finished my degree. But it was far from reality.
The following is a list of things that he did to me after I finished college:
- Threw a pillow at me
- Threw candies at me
- Threw beer bottles at me
- Smashed my face on a car window
- Damaged the side mirror of my car because I was hiding in there
- Put me in a headlock
- Choked me
- Pushed me down the stairs
- Stomped on my foot after I hurt it from falling down the stairs
- Broke a bunch of glass bottles in the bathroom and locked me in there for hours
It got so out of control that it wasn't just at his home that this happened. Even when we went out, he would scream and humiliate me in public. It got so bad once at a movie theater because he threw me at a concrete bench and someone called the police. But he dragged me in the car and drove away. Another time, a very kind family found him attacking me in a parking lot and took me in their minivan and drove me away to the nearest Starbucks so that I could get my friend to pick me up.
Why then, you might ask, did I stay around for so long? I had no clue. I felt helpless and yet I felt that I wanted to help him because I loved him. I thought that he would change because he kept promising me that he would. He only continued to change for the worse.
If you are in an abusive relationship, please leave immediately and don't drag it out like I did. I wasted a lot of my time and I think it changed who I used to be. I am still trying to find myself. I used to be a girl that prayed for people who hurt me. But now, I have a temper and I see negatives in everything. I hope that I can be who I used to be again... If you have any advice, let me know.
